(self induced) stress.

29 Thursday Aug 2013

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I am no veteran to runDisney races.  I only have two under my belt.  After this weekend I will have added two more.  I love Disneyland and I love to run.  For my first experience, I didn’t know what to expect.  And since I had no preconceived notions or expectations, it was awesome.  Now that I have (limited) experience, I feel so much pressure and stress! (All brought on by myself of course).  First, there’s the “putting together of the costume”.  I mean, you don’t have to run in costume, but what the heck, right?  You choose your favorite Disney character or your favorite super hero or whatever and you can get away with it for these races.  (Themed races seem to be all the rage these days, but that’s another post for another day.)

So I’ve been planning my costume ideas for months only to find that my original idea is not working out so well.  So I’m trying to come up with another solution, but I really only have 2 working days left.  Anyway…..

Then there’s the “GET TO THE EXPO VERY EARLY SO THAT YOU CAN GET THE MERCHANDISE THAT YOU WANT!!!!” threats.  I had early access to the expo for my last experience and it was really nice.  This time I’m not so lucky, so now I’m stressing about that.  And the lines and the crowds.  You might say “well why in the h*ll did you sign up for the races in the first place then?!?!?”.  Well it’s because….

I love Disneyland and I love to run.

I realized that the less I know about something, the less I stress about it.  When you lop on all sorts of information?  That’s when I start to get information overload and start to stress out.  Take my virgin experience.  I wasn’t worried about lines or sweeper vans or the dreaded balloon ladies that keep the 16 min/mile pace after the last corral starts (gulp!).  But now, all of this social networking has me in a tizzy with peoples’ posts about this and that and where meetups are and who’s wearing what and what they’re buying.

The other thing that I realized about myself…. Is that I love the thought of Disney.  I know it sounds stupid.  That’s okay.  But I honestly tear up every time I see that famed castle at the beginning of every Disney movie.  I get a lump in my throat whenever I hear When You Wish Upon a Star.  I have a mouse ear necklace that I try to wear every day (except when I’m running so that I don’t ruin it) so that I can keep that magic with me wherever I go.

So my new plan is (at least for the next 4 days) is to just keep on believing in that magic.  To not stress about what I can’t control and just have fun!  Because that’s really what it’s all about right?  And life should be fun.

I’m gonna kick a$$ at this Dumbo Double Dare and it’s gonna be fun and awesome.

mind over matter.

21 Wednesday Aug 2013

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Per the Dumbo Double Dare training schedule, I was slated to run 14 miles this past weekend.  I researched different routes to take near my home and I was actually looking forward to it.  The longest distance I have ever run is a Half, so I was somewhat intimidated, but still up for the challenge.

So I found a route that would be just a little over 14 miles, from my house to my friend’s house and then back.  Lots of flat, and then a big hill.  And then I figured that I could take a rest at my friends house and make the trip back.

I started out and then at mile 2, I got uncomfortable.  You know, that feeling you get when your stomach is bothering you a little and you wonder if going out for a long run was such a good idea.  I had prepped myself with a small breakfast, because I know what works for me, but something was still bothering me.

And then I made up my mind to just feel better.

Now I know that it’s not possible to have this attitude toward infectious diseases, cancer or the like, but for minor, piddly little stomach issues, I found that it works.  By mile 3 I had hit my stride and I enjoyed the run.  All the way (almost 8 miles) to my friend’s house.

Now as it turns out, I did not run back.  I started out too late and it got way too hot for me to continue.  But I don’t feel like a failure.  I feel good for knowing that with the right attitude, I can tackle anything.  The fact that I was looking forward to a 14 mile run speaks volumes for someone who a year ago had no intention of running a half marathon.

So if it works for me with running, what else can I accomplish?!??!

you’ll never be done.

08 Thursday Aug 2013

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As a stay at home mom, as with any job, there are ALWAYS things that need to be done.  The dishes in the dishwasher are in constant rotation, the floors need to be constantly vacuumed because of the accumulation of cat fur, laundry piles up, food gets eaten and needs to be restocked…. but I remember when I had a paying job, there was always a sense of accomplishment because I could actually complete projects (getting a pay check didn’t help either).  One building was built and then it was on to the next one.  Got the permit for that restaurant? Ok now it’s time to move forward on construction.  But as a stay at home mom, the same jobs, day after day, never stop.  And then I thought about all of the other things that I need to do… price items for a yard sale that I need to have, finish putting together the pieces for my upcoming Run Disney races, clean out the garage, clean up the guest room so that someone can actually stay in there.  The list keeps on getting bigger and bigger.  And the weight of it stresses me out.  But then I realized that when I complete those things, there will always be something to take it’s place.  I will have another task to complete because as long as we’re alive…

you’ll never be done.

You’ll never be done learning or striving or practicing.  You’ll never be done eating or playing or having stress.  You’ll always have goals that you’ll want to fulfill so you’ll have to work hard to get there, whether it’s researching items for a camping trip or trying to find that perfect dry wick tank top to go with your latest run costume idea.  There will always be something.

So I guess when I look at it like that (or at least try to remind myself to), my list doesn’t seem so stressful.  Old things can be checked off but new things will be added as I live and grow and think up new dreams.

social networking and the ego.

31 Wednesday Jul 2013

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I saw this posted on Facebook a few days ago, some of you may have seen it too…Image

I think that it sums up my thoughts about running.  I know that I’m not the fastest or the best and I don’t try to be (my typical pace is around a 10/11 minute mile).  I run for myself.  I run to push my own boundaries.  I run to better myself, to prove to myself that I can do something.  I know that I will never come in first and I’m okay with that.  I am not a professional athlete.  10 years ago, I wasn’t even running.

And then every once in a while I see a post that says “I got put in Corral A!!!” or a shirt that says “If you’re reading this you’re too slow!!!” printed on the back.  And then I start to get down about my own abilities and wonder why I even started.

So then I need to remember that what other people do doesn’t matter.  Sure, we can all be proud of our accomplishments but sometimes it seems like there’s a whole lot more bragging going on.

But I’m like a moth to a flame.  I continuously check Facebook and Twitter to check up on things and I’m reminded again….. “If you’re not first you’re last!”.  And then I realized…

Social Networking is damaging to my ego!

Another example…. after looking at everyone’s summer vacation photos I thought “man, it’s been years since I’ve been on a real vacation“.  One person “checks in” from the beaches of Florida, not to be outdone by a “check in” from Puerto Rico.  Oh but then there’s the person who went to Italy.  Don’t worry guys, you can’t compete with them.  And yes, that IS jealousy that  you hear……  I’m not gonna lie.

But doesn’t it just seem like a lot of what social networking is these days is a way to show off or brag? Of course not everyone is like this.  I know a lot of people who post or tweet to inform friends and family because they don’t live nearby.  And then there are the posts that actually make us feel good about ourselves (in a sad sort of way)…. you know the ones that are nothing but drama, drama, drama.  People’s life stories and dirty laundry and skeletons in the closet………. those are the ones that I typically “hide” or sometimes I just stop following or unfriend people because who needs that negativity?

So anyway, my choices are to either stop using Twitter and Facebook altogether, or change the way that I think when I read the posts or retweets.  I think it’s time to tell that ego who’s boss. :)

traffic and comparisons.

20 Saturday Jul 2013

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I feel like I’ve been driving all over Orange County this week.  Running errands, trying to prepare things for my son’s birthday party.  This means that I have encountered a lot of traffic.  Typically I don’t venture out after say 2:30 or 3pm because that’s when it starts to get heavy.  The traffic problem lasts until around 7ish.  Anyway, I usually curse under my breath (because my son is usually with me) and weave in and out of traffic.  I’m horrible, I can usually look at a car and figure out how fast or slow they will go.  Whether or not they will get it off the line quick enough for me to zip past them and get to the lane that I need.  But the last few days were different.  Over the last few days I decided to just flow with the traffic, stay in my lane and not frantically try to move move to the “fastest lane of traffic”.  And you know what?  I was a lot calmer.  I got to my destination and everything was okay.  Then it made me think about how hard I try to push for things that sometimes aren’t meant to be.  I try too hard to swim upstream and battle uncontrollable elements.  I learned this week that if I just go with the flow, it will still be okay.  Now driving up to Disneyland on the other hand….. stay out of my way!!!! 🙂

 

  1. Moving on to comparisons….. I am a relatively new runner.  I only started running in races 10 years ago when I moved to SoCal, and only started seriously running (5 days a week) for the last 2 years.  The problem that I have is that there is a place where I want to be (maybe I should take a note from my previous blog post, hahaha) and there’s the place where I am now.  I see the gals in the place that I want to be and I am immediately jealous.  But these girls have been running seriously (marathons, qualifying for Boston, triathlons, etc.) for many more years than I have been.  And I need to remind myself of that.  I also need to remind myself that I have no desire to qualify for Boston, or run a marathon for that matter.  Sometimes I think that we (I) need to:

– Just stop, look at what we have accomplished

– Stop comparing ourselves (and maybe lay off of Twitter every once in a while so it’s not so “in your face”, lol)

– Count our blessings

– Stop being jealous of others because you will not get what you want if you continue to focus on what it is that you don’t have

…. and

– Be happy for others’ accomplishments!

 

That is all.  🙂

have. be. do.

11 Thursday Jul 2013

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Every once in a while I have one of those days that makes me feel so lucky.  Lucky to be where I am, lucky to be in good health, lucky to have the freedom to go to Disneyland when I want to.  Ok, I’m extremely lucky to have that last one, but I don’t take it for granted.  I feel like I do some of my best dreaming and thinking while sitting in front of that castle.  My hair stands on end from just entering the Esplanade.  It brings a small tear to my eye when I walk through the turnstiles of the Main Gate.  Every.  Single.  Time.  That’s how I know that it is my place. 

My point is, when you find “your place”, do everything that you can to either keep on going back to that place, or recreate it in your mind.  It’s good for your mind and your soul.  I’m not trying to be all “woo woo”, but with the right mind set, you can create anything for yourself.  Some things obviously, are harder than others.  I have been able to do it for some things in my life though.  Other things just take more practice.  More positive thinking.  More of finding yourself in that right “place” to do our best creative thinking work.  I’m not talking about writing or creating art.  I’m talking about creating your life and how you want it to be.  If you don’t like how something is, figure out a way to change it.  But being positive about it is the key.  If you keep on creating excuses in your mind then you aren’t mean t to have what you want, or maybe you really don’t want it as much as you think you do.  To me, the universe is like a giant slider puzzle and all the pieces are constantly moving around based on the choices that you make. And when they fit together in that special way, oooooh boy.  That’s when you feel that luck.

I’ve also found that the more blessings that I count and the more things that I’m extremely grateful for, the easier it is to “create”.  Yes, bad things happen to good people, but it’s how we recover from the situation that makes the difference.

Do what makes you happy.

Be who you know you really are.

And you will have the life that you want.

… when I grow up…..

20 Thursday Jun 2013

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When I was a kid I didn’t think much about what I wanted to be when I grew up.  I was interested in playing Star Wars or GI Joe with my boy friends down the street.  I played Barbies with my sister and best friend.  At one time I guess I wanted to be an archeologist and discover Nefertitti, I was really intrigued by Ancient Egypt for some reason.  I loved to draw and imagine and play make believe.  But now I’m an adult.  With a family.  And I still have no idea what I want to do with my life.

I keep on waiting to get some sort of sign, to be reminded of what I should be doing and where I should be doing it.  In my 15 or so years of working in a professional setting I never particularly felt like I was contributing to anything major.  I never felt like I was really “a part of something”.  I feel like that’s what I want now though.

But what do you do when you’re “all grown up” and you’ve got a degree (or two) in something that you don’t even think that you want to do anymore?  Do you start over?  Do you work your way up with the 20 somethings as your competition?  And how about if you’ve been out of work for (gulp) five years and you don’t know what it takes to be successful anymore?  Or maybe I should just become one of the white suited street sweepers at Disneyland?

I don’ t know what the answer is, but I feel like I’m running out of time.  I would dream big but I don’t even know what to dream about………

“A dream is a wish your heart makes………..”Image

I have ADD

19 Wednesday Jun 2013

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I never used to have ADD until I became a parent.  This is self diagnosed of course.  I have never been to see a doctor for this problem, but I used to be so focused.  So on task.  I used to have to cross reference electrical details with reflected ceiling plans and look at structural drawings to verify that there was enough clearance for ductwork.  Now I can’t even carry out a simple task to completion.  Oh look, I need to take out the trash.  Oh wait M’s socks are in the middle of  the floor, surrounded by Legos.  And I want to vacuum this afternoon so I’d better have him pick those up.  Let me just put those socks in the hamper.  Oh, I should just put them straight into the washing machine along with the clothes in his hamper.  Well, if I’m doing M’s laundry, I’d better change his sheets too.  Wait, what was I doing again?

 

See, you know you do it too.  And I only have one little person to take care of. 🙂

How lucky we are.

12 Wednesday Jun 2013

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My route to take my son to school each day takes me past a cemetery.  I have been so surprised with the amount of funerals that have been taking place there lately.  Every day I see people gathered around recessed grave markers, clutching flowers, or balloons dancing in the wind above a bouquet.  And lots of times I see the backhoe machine out, ready to do it’s job, or the temporary canopies put out to shield grieving families from the sun.  All of this makes me so, so sad.  Sad for the person that is no longer with us.  Sad for the families that have lost them.  Sad for the workers who, day after day have to dig the graves or set up the canopies or chairs.  Whenever I see a funeral going on there I drive a little slower.  Turn down my radio if my windows are down as if to somehow pay my respects to people that I do not know.

What this teaches me is this:

Be thankful for every day that you have here.  Things may not be perfect, but we are lucky enough to breathe in and out every day.

Slow down, take your time and enjoy life when you don’t feel the pressure to rush, rush, rush (sometimes we have to be in a hurry for things…).

Give your kid a break if you are running late for school because of something that they did (stalled putting on their clothes, refused to use the bathroom before leaving, misplaced the toy that they wanted to take to school).

Just another reason to be thankful and remember how lucky we are.