So. It’s been approximately seven weeks since we were all told that we’d be “Safer at Home”. My son started online schooling (like the rest of the country) on March 18th and some time during that week, before it was mandatory to wear face masks in any public place, I went to the grocery store to pick up a few things. It was a funny situation, the “haves and the have-nots”. Kind of like the Sneeches with Stars. Walking through the aisles of the grocery store, I found that I did not want to look the masked customers in the eye for fear of somehow being judged for not wearing a mask. I did not even own a mask and I did not know where to get one. The “six foot rule” was in place so I was trying to abide by that but there were still some other rules that I did not know about. Like “we can’t bag your groceries but you can bag them yourself” and some other places will just place your items in your cart and you can bag them yourself elsewhere. ***
Anyway, I found all of my items and I had my reusable bags all ready to go. I stepped into a lane and my first mistake was to not abide by the “SIX FOOT RULE”. I started to move forward to place my items on the belt when I was reprimanded by the cashier. I stayed back. I waited until I was called (allowed) forward. I placed my items on the belt and was reminded (actually told for the first time) that I was not allowed to have the bagger use my reusable bags for my items but I could bag my items myself. I was told this piece of information with what I regarded as an attitude. My ego took over and I assumed that I was being given attitude because I was not wearing a mask. The bagger was not wearing a mask either but she also seemed to be giving me attitude. At this point I was getting annoyed by their combined b!tchiness. I started to slam things down and I was acting bitchy myself (which I hated). I paid for my items and bagged them myself. I snatched the receipt from the cashier’s hand not because I was annoyed, but because when I grabbed for it the first time I missed it (I’m clumsy) and I was afraid to come into contact with her hand! With my snatchy grab, the bagger lady scoffed at me and I rushed out. I was frustrated, I felt bad because of my actions and I felt like “is this what shopping has become?”.
After I got home, I thought about submitting an online survey to report the behaviors of the cashier and the bagger. I also wondered if maybe they were giving me attitude because they thought that I was above bagging my own groceries (which I secretly LOVE to do). I gave it a few days and decided not to say anything. Then I thought about going back to the store to apologize in person. I also did not have the guts to do this.
Sorry for the long post (speaking to myself in the future) but I want to say one more thing…… I instinctively want to believe, like/love everyone. It makes me sad when others are mean to me without what I perceive as a “good reason”. I give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I am too trusting. I am too gullible. I am too naive to think that people actually like me sometimes. Which, it’s ok if they don’t. I know that I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. And I let myself down when I respond with anything but kindness to someone when my ego gets in the way. Sometimes I forget that a lot of times, peoples’ actions have nothing to do with me.
I have since acquired a mask and I wear it every time I shop. I maintain six feet and I bag my own things.
This post is for newdadintraining who gives me neverending $hit about not posting things that I consider my online diary for when I am older.
*** A law was passed in the State of California outlawing the use of plastic shopping bags, because we are all Earthloving folk out here. So I use and have a $hitload of reusable bags stashed in my trunk. Thank you Surf City Marathon/Half Marathon for giving me one to use year after year. My sister, who lives in Arizona, makes fun of my “no plastic bag using state” and I’m jealous of her never ending supply of bags for scooping litter boxes.