Tag Archives: ego

i want to fall in love……

29 Sunday Jul 2018

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AirCatcher

(photo credit: favim.com)

…… with running again.

It’s been so long since I’ve gone on a run.  It’s been so long since I’ve gone on a run and actually liked it.  It’s been even longer since I went on a run and loved it.

I remember how I used to feel while running.  I remember the freedom that I felt. The energy that I had.  The belief that anything was possible. How thankful that I was for everything in my life.

I remember the runners highs that I used to get.  I remember the buzzing feeling that I would get at the starting line of a race.  The feeling of accomplishment as I crossed the finish line.

And now I don’t know how to get back there.  I feel like I’m lost. And now that I’ve gained so much weight, I feel like I’m going to be starting all over again.  And that’s pretty damn depressing.

I think the thing that’s holding me back is the fact that I’m so damn slow.  I mean, I was slow back when I was actually IN shape.  Now that I roughly resemble a pear with stubby legs I’ll really be embarrassed by my pace.

I’ve always said…. When people ask you what your finish time is, or what your pace is (and they will)  …… always lie.  It’s been my experience that when you’re slow and you actually tell people what your pace is, they remind you of how lame and mind numbingly slow you are with their responses.  

So I guess you could say that it’s the opinions of others that’s holding me back from being a better version of myself.  Which is stupid.

How do I get past this?  How do I start over? Again?  Without being embarrassed? How do I not care what my runner friends think?

I want to find myself again.

 

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social networking and the ego.

31 Wednesday Jul 2013

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I saw this posted on Facebook a few days ago, some of you may have seen it too…Image

I think that it sums up my thoughts about running.  I know that I’m not the fastest or the best and I don’t try to be (my typical pace is around a 10/11 minute mile).  I run for myself.  I run to push my own boundaries.  I run to better myself, to prove to myself that I can do something.  I know that I will never come in first and I’m okay with that.  I am not a professional athlete.  10 years ago, I wasn’t even running.

And then every once in a while I see a post that says “I got put in Corral A!!!” or a shirt that says “If you’re reading this you’re too slow!!!” printed on the back.  And then I start to get down about my own abilities and wonder why I even started.

So then I need to remember that what other people do doesn’t matter.  Sure, we can all be proud of our accomplishments but sometimes it seems like there’s a whole lot more bragging going on.

But I’m like a moth to a flame.  I continuously check Facebook and Twitter to check up on things and I’m reminded again….. “If you’re not first you’re last!”.  And then I realized…

Social Networking is damaging to my ego!

Another example…. after looking at everyone’s summer vacation photos I thought “man, it’s been years since I’ve been on a real vacation“.  One person “checks in” from the beaches of Florida, not to be outdone by a “check in” from Puerto Rico.  Oh but then there’s the person who went to Italy.  Don’t worry guys, you can’t compete with them.  And yes, that IS jealousy that  you hear……  I’m not gonna lie.

But doesn’t it just seem like a lot of what social networking is these days is a way to show off or brag? Of course not everyone is like this.  I know a lot of people who post or tweet to inform friends and family because they don’t live nearby.  And then there are the posts that actually make us feel good about ourselves (in a sad sort of way)…. you know the ones that are nothing but drama, drama, drama.  People’s life stories and dirty laundry and skeletons in the closet………. those are the ones that I typically “hide” or sometimes I just stop following or unfriend people because who needs that negativity?

So anyway, my choices are to either stop using Twitter and Facebook altogether, or change the way that I think when I read the posts or retweets.  I think it’s time to tell that ego who’s boss. :)