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motherofoneontherun

~ Mother of one, loves to run. Learning about life as I go…

motherofoneontherun

Tag Archives: running

the back half.

07 Thursday Jan 2021

Posted by kcshea in Uncategorized

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40s, acceptance, aging, body positivity, masaru emoto, messages from water, running

As I sit in the back half of my 40s, I realize that I have been pretty unkind to myself over the years. Especially when it comes to my body. I’m not saying or thinking anything that anyone my age or older doesn’t already know of course. But I’m trying to take more mental notes in order to be more accepting of how I look these days. 

I need to change the way that I look at “aging” in general. Instead of dwelling on the fact that I seem to have rolls and lumps here and there that I can’t seem to get rid of, I need to realize that I have made mistakes with what I’ve decided to eat (and drink… IPAs, I’m looking at you). And that’s ok. I get the opportunity to make better choices. Instead of focusing on how slow my running pace has become, I need to be happy that I still have the ability to get out there and run. Instead of focusing on my poor eyesight and hearing, I should focus on the fact that I have health insurance and I can get the care that I need to aid these minor inconveniences. I need to work out to make my body happy and to strengthen it and insure that I live longer, not to make me more appealing to look at (because in all actuality, I shouldn’t really care if people like the way that I look or not). 

Human bodies are kinda cool. We have the ability to take nutrients out of food, heal our cells and grow a person inside ourselves, all without thinking. Our brains can process sounds and sights and language and smells. 

I often recall Dr. Masaru Emoto’s “Water Experiment” publications entitled “Messages From Water 1 & 2” and  “The Hidden Messages in Water”. The gist of his thoughts are…. 60% of our bodies are made up of water. In his findings, “he found that water from clear springs and water that has been exposed to loving words shows brilliant, complex, and colorful snowflake patterns. In contrast, polluted water, or water exposed to negative thoughts, forms incomplete, asymmetrical patterns with dull colors.” * I know, I know, some of you might think that all of it is just a bunch of hoo ha. But could you imagine, that if we are made up of mostly water, and if we treated ourselves more kindly, think of the positive implications it could have. 

Okay, enough of my middle aged ramblings. Happy 2021. And Happy Birthday to my twin this month.

*excerpt taken from https://whatthebleep.com/water-crystals/

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i want to fall in love……

29 Sunday Jul 2018

Posted by kcshea in Uncategorized

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aircatcher, ego, running, slow runner, twenty one pilots

AirCatcher

(photo credit: favim.com)

…… with running again.

It’s been so long since I’ve gone on a run.  It’s been so long since I’ve gone on a run and actually liked it.  It’s been even longer since I went on a run and loved it.

I remember how I used to feel while running.  I remember the freedom that I felt. The energy that I had.  The belief that anything was possible. How thankful that I was for everything in my life.

I remember the runners highs that I used to get.  I remember the buzzing feeling that I would get at the starting line of a race.  The feeling of accomplishment as I crossed the finish line.

And now I don’t know how to get back there.  I feel like I’m lost. And now that I’ve gained so much weight, I feel like I’m going to be starting all over again.  And that’s pretty damn depressing.

I think the thing that’s holding me back is the fact that I’m so damn slow.  I mean, I was slow back when I was actually IN shape.  Now that I roughly resemble a pear with stubby legs I’ll really be embarrassed by my pace.

I’ve always said…. When people ask you what your finish time is, or what your pace is (and they will)  …… always lie.  It’s been my experience that when you’re slow and you actually tell people what your pace is, they remind you of how lame and mind numbingly slow you are with their responses.  

So I guess you could say that it’s the opinions of others that’s holding me back from being a better version of myself.  Which is stupid.

How do I get past this?  How do I start over? Again?  Without being embarrassed? How do I not care what my runner friends think?

I want to find myself again.

 

why do you want to be fast?

05 Saturday Mar 2016

Posted by kcshea in Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

comparisions, half marathon, running

PR

…. my good friend and co-worker asked me at work last week. I had told her about my excitement with my latest PR from my most recent half marathon. I was so happy that day that I cried. I have been working hard lately trying to get myself in better shape, and to see the results of my minimal training made me extremely happy. I have only been running half marathons for three years and the PR made my 20th half very special.

That is until dinner that evening, when someone that I had just met that night asked me what my time was….. “What was it?!” he said, “were you under two hours??”. Right there. Someone who didn’t even know me slapped me back to reality and made me realize how slow I am and how much work I still need to do.

Or do I?

The question my friend asked me last week made me wonder, why DO I want to be fast?

I actually said “You know what? I don’t even really know”.

Self doubt, comparison and social media can be brutal. Do I want to be fast for myself? Or do I want to be fast so I can show other people how fast I am? I have never been a competitive person. Growing up with a twin was enough. People compare the two of you whether they admit it or not. So a part of me tends to shy away from competition because people will either see me for who I am or make up their own minds about who they think I am. And the people that don’t really know me…. Do they really matter? Why should I be concerned about what Joe Schmoe thinks of my finish time? Why should I be concerned about what people on social media think about my finish times?

(I’m not saying that these feelings of slow inadequacy will go away, I’m just trying to figure out how to deal with them….)

So the question to myself still stands…Why? Bragging rights are certainly nice, but then again, there will always be someone faster, better, stronger than you, so again, why? For the photo on Instagram? For the better corral placement? For the feeling of accomplishment? For myself? Am I afraid of being judged for my lack of speed? Or am I just too lazy to even want to try to become faster? Am I afraid of the challenge?

No matter how old you are, there is still something to be learned about yourself, isn’t there?

“You’re never satisfied. That’s what life is, it’s just this ongoing, neverending vacation adventure, you see. You can’t get it wrong and you’ll never get it done…..” – Ester Hicks

running in a rut.

22 Thursday May 2014

Posted by kcshea in Uncategorized

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Disneyland, happy place, in a rut, running

(stuck) in a rut: kept in an established way of living or working that never changes.

I never thought it would happen to me. After running consistently (every week and sometimes daily) for over 3 years I’ve finally managed to get myself in a running rut. Blame it on no upcoming races on my calendar. Blame it on no motivation. Blame it on the streak of 100 plus degree days that we had last week, but I am here. And I don’t like it. I feel fat and lazy and unaccomplished. And now with a batch of blood work, x-rays and an MRI, I feel like I’m being forced to take it down a notch. My doctor even called me last night and actually told me not to work out for the next couple of days due to the results of my most recent blood work. Sigh.

60miles

Like Disneyland, running used to be my happy place. And the sad thing is, I haven’t even been going to Disneyland as much anymore.

Maybe I need to find a new happy place? (insert sad face here…..)

I need to be happy with where I am, not where I think I should be. My slow and steady progress with running has me frustrated. Without the atmosphere of The Happiest Place on Earth, I feel lost. Maybe it’s time to make a change?

changesexit

If any of you really know me, I despise change. I drag my feet and leave kicking and screaming…… until I realize that the new thing/place/experience is actually okay. And then I realize….

Why didn’t I do this a long time ago?!?

My problem is, lots of times I don’t listen to my intuition. I think that others know better. I feel like society pushes me in a different direction. And then there’s the bigger reason…. I feel fear. Fear of the unknown stops me dead in my tracks. Keeps me in my rut. But what was it that Nietzsche said?

nietzsche

After I get my health issues straightened out, I think I need to put on my favorite pair of Brooks Pure Flows, put Kanye’s “Stronger” on repeat and just go. Find a new route. Do more yoga. Run some trails. And then maybe I’ll find my new happy place.

oldandnew

power in numbers.

31 Tuesday Dec 2013

Posted by kcshea in Uncategorized

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half marathon, running, Sparkle Athletic, Team Sparkle

Since it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything I thought, what better time than New Year’s Eve?!?  It’s a time when we all reflect on the past year and try to figure out how to make the following year even better.  But before I delve into all of that, I wanted to thank everyone who has pushed me to become better.  I want to thank those who accepted my love of running and those who were willing to push themselves to become better.  Stronger.  More confident.

It all started for me about a year ago.  I had a neighbor who had been pestering me to do a half marathon with her for years.  Finally, in the second week of January, 2013, I accepted her invitation.  Two weeks before the race.  If it wasn’t for Annie and Sasha, I probably would not have done that first half marathon.  And now they’ve pushed me to complete more.  Two weeks after my first half, I ran another one.

I gave my running bug to my best friend and a good mom friend of mine, who completed their first 5k’s this year.  One of them is already signed up for another race.

I ran with my twin sister in her first 5k last March and pushed her to strive for more also.  Since then, she’s signed up for multiple 5k’s and we ran in our first 12k together this past month.  In January, I’ll be running with her for her first half marathon, on our 40th birthday.  What could be better?

I’ve also gotten my husband to run in more races with me.  I’m even getting him in the spirit of dressing up for them.  A little #TeamSparkle goes a long way…..

I’d like to think that I’m the catalyst for all of this, but I can’t take all the credit.

“If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together.. there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”

Winnie the Pooh said it best.  All we need is one spark of an idea, one suggestion from a friend, one small belief that we can do it! And that’s all it takes.  We can fly.  In the running world (as with anything else),

there is power in numbers.

So on to my own goals for 2014.  Last year my goal was to run in at least one race every month in 2013.  I almost reached it.  Since I did not run a race in the month of June, I ran the equivalent of a 6k by myself at the beach.  I completed 3 more half marathons than I thought I would.

In 2014 I hope to complete more half marathons and join the Half Fanatics club.  So far I’ve got 4 half marathons scheduled, just in the first 3 months.  I may even push myself to do the SoCal Ragnar Relay.  Talk about doing something out of my comfort zone.  Now what to do for the rest of 2014?  Only time will tell.

Congrats to all of my running friends who made all of their dreams come true in 2013.  Here’s to a new year of hitting the pavement, the trails and the timing mats!

recreating the magic.

05 Thursday Sep 2013

Posted by kcshea in Uncategorized

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#RunDisney, Coast to Coast medal, Dave Matthews Band, Disney magic, Disneyland Half Marathon weekend, Dumbo Double Dare, running

The Disneyland Half Marathon weekend is over.  I did it.  I completed two more runDisney races and earned three more medals.  And it was rough.  The heat was excruciating.  I ran out of water.  Twice.  My friend who signed up to do the race with me was able to keep a faster pace so I let her go on without me.  So somewhere around mile 7, I ran alone.  All the way to the end.  Something else I didn’t expect to do.  It was hard.

My first half marathon was a runDisney race.  It was the day after my birthday and the weather was considerably cooler.  Comfortable.  The entire race was magical.  It’s the first time that I ran entire race while smiling.  The expo was relaxing.  Everything about the experience was so wonderful, that I was hoping to recreate that experience for the Disneyland Half Marathon weekend.

After this weekend, I realized that for some experiences, you just can’t recreate that magic.  Some experiences live in the history of your life just as magical moments.  All of the stars and the planets and the angels align and make that one thing so special.  Like my favorite Dave Matthews Band concert where they played all of my favorite songs.  Now every time I go to another one of their concerts, I expect to have that same experience.  It has not happened since.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, maybe I should look at my experiences differently.  Maybe I should stop trying to recreate the magic and work more on creating new experiences. There are things to be learned.  Like after running in the humidity and the heat this weekend, maybe I can endure a race at Walt Disney World to get that coveted Coast to Coast medal.  Maybe I can even push myself even more.  Sometimes I don’t know what I am capable of and I’m afraid to find out.

Image

social networking and the ego.

31 Wednesday Jul 2013

Posted by kcshea in Uncategorized

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bragging, ego, Facebook, jealousy, running, social networking, Twitter

I saw this posted on Facebook a few days ago, some of you may have seen it too…Image

I think that it sums up my thoughts about running.  I know that I’m not the fastest or the best and I don’t try to be (my typical pace is around a 10/11 minute mile).  I run for myself.  I run to push my own boundaries.  I run to better myself, to prove to myself that I can do something.  I know that I will never come in first and I’m okay with that.  I am not a professional athlete.  10 years ago, I wasn’t even running.

And then every once in a while I see a post that says “I got put in Corral A!!!” or a shirt that says “If you’re reading this you’re too slow!!!” printed on the back.  And then I start to get down about my own abilities and wonder why I even started.

So then I need to remember that what other people do doesn’t matter.  Sure, we can all be proud of our accomplishments but sometimes it seems like there’s a whole lot more bragging going on.

But I’m like a moth to a flame.  I continuously check Facebook and Twitter to check up on things and I’m reminded again….. “If you’re not first you’re last!”.  And then I realized…

Social Networking is damaging to my ego!

Another example…. after looking at everyone’s summer vacation photos I thought “man, it’s been years since I’ve been on a real vacation“.  One person “checks in” from the beaches of Florida, not to be outdone by a “check in” from Puerto Rico.  Oh but then there’s the person who went to Italy.  Don’t worry guys, you can’t compete with them.  And yes, that IS jealousy that  you hear……  I’m not gonna lie.

But doesn’t it just seem like a lot of what social networking is these days is a way to show off or brag? Of course not everyone is like this.  I know a lot of people who post or tweet to inform friends and family because they don’t live nearby.  And then there are the posts that actually make us feel good about ourselves (in a sad sort of way)…. you know the ones that are nothing but drama, drama, drama.  People’s life stories and dirty laundry and skeletons in the closet………. those are the ones that I typically “hide” or sometimes I just stop following or unfriend people because who needs that negativity?

So anyway, my choices are to either stop using Twitter and Facebook altogether, or change the way that I think when I read the posts or retweets.  I think it’s time to tell that ego who’s boss. :)

traffic and comparisons.

20 Saturday Jul 2013

Posted by kcshea in Uncategorized

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accomplishments, comparisions, go with the flow, jealousy, running, self confidence, traffic

I feel like I’ve been driving all over Orange County this week.  Running errands, trying to prepare things for my son’s birthday party.  This means that I have encountered a lot of traffic.  Typically I don’t venture out after say 2:30 or 3pm because that’s when it starts to get heavy.  The traffic problem lasts until around 7ish.  Anyway, I usually curse under my breath (because my son is usually with me) and weave in and out of traffic.  I’m horrible, I can usually look at a car and figure out how fast or slow they will go.  Whether or not they will get it off the line quick enough for me to zip past them and get to the lane that I need.  But the last few days were different.  Over the last few days I decided to just flow with the traffic, stay in my lane and not frantically try to move move to the “fastest lane of traffic”.  And you know what?  I was a lot calmer.  I got to my destination and everything was okay.  Then it made me think about how hard I try to push for things that sometimes aren’t meant to be.  I try too hard to swim upstream and battle uncontrollable elements.  I learned this week that if I just go with the flow, it will still be okay.  Now driving up to Disneyland on the other hand….. stay out of my way!!!! 🙂

 

  1. Moving on to comparisons….. I am a relatively new runner.  I only started running in races 10 years ago when I moved to SoCal, and only started seriously running (5 days a week) for the last 2 years.  The problem that I have is that there is a place where I want to be (maybe I should take a note from my previous blog post, hahaha) and there’s the place where I am now.  I see the gals in the place that I want to be and I am immediately jealous.  But these girls have been running seriously (marathons, qualifying for Boston, triathlons, etc.) for many more years than I have been.  And I need to remind myself of that.  I also need to remind myself that I have no desire to qualify for Boston, or run a marathon for that matter.  Sometimes I think that we (I) need to:

– Just stop, look at what we have accomplished

– Stop comparing ourselves (and maybe lay off of Twitter every once in a while so it’s not so “in your face”, lol)

– Count our blessings

– Stop being jealous of others because you will not get what you want if you continue to focus on what it is that you don’t have

…. and

– Be happy for others’ accomplishments!

 

That is all.  🙂

pick a day in my life

  • October 2022
  • September 2021
  • January 2021
  • May 2020
  • January 2020
  • July 2019
  • April 2019
  • February 2019
  • October 2018
  • July 2018
  • June 2018
  • March 2018
  • August 2017
  • March 2016
  • October 2015
  • July 2015
  • April 2015
  • March 2015
  • December 2014
  • September 2014
  • June 2014
  • May 2014
  • April 2014
  • March 2014
  • February 2014
  • December 2013
  • October 2013
  • September 2013
  • August 2013
  • July 2013
  • June 2013
  • May 2013
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