When you make a mistake, how long does it take for others to forgive you? How long does it take for you to forgive yourself? Do you forget about them easily? Do you learn from them? Or do you repeat them until you learn you lesson?
Some days I just want to scream and say ENOUGH! I GET IT! But my brain is damaged. I force myself to relive my past mistakes. I replay the images over and over in my mind and think about what I should have done differently. I torture myself with the feelings of failure and disappointment. And that’s what mistakes feel like to me. Failure.
I don’t know why I torture myself. Life is hard enough. I constantly beat myself up about what I’ve done wrong. Don Miguel Ruiz says that “True justice is paying only once for each mistake. True injustice is paying more than once for each mistake.” www.choosebetterlife.com says “….we [still] reject ourselves and others for not being perfect. We suffer guilt, shame, and fear. We try harder. We hide, we pretend, and we still fail. Even more heartbreaking, we pay countless times for each mistake we make. We don’t just acknowledge them, learn, and move on. There is no forgiveness. We relive each error and suffer anew each time we remember or are reminded of it. And we and society have excellent memories for such things.”
Everyone is fighting their own battles. I guess that I just choose to continue my battles in my head. I’m jealous of those who can live life and say “no regrets”. Because I have lots of them.